Seeing beyond ourselves

By Spiritual Direction Calgary | Published Oct 1, 2020

It's so easy to get lost

"The most common form of despair is not being who you are." —Søren Kierkegaard

And feel alone

Even in the midst of thousands of people, we all know the most terrible poverty known to humankind: feeling unloved and lonely.

Something, deep in our primitive animal brain knows that to be alone is to be vulnerable, and in danger.

But, from what?

Maybe we fear aloneness?

But even the fear of the dark is not so much a fear of being alone in the dark - it's more a fear that we are not alone, and what else may lurk there.

Even when we know we are alone...

Or, perhaps we fear something inside?

Like no other time, loneliness brings us past our carefully crafted public persona, and forces us to face our naked selves.

Especially those parts we hide from ourselves

It's not about rejection

We know how similar we all are.

It's about the fear that if all of those exiled memories, traumas and parts of ourselves would surface, we would drown.

We try to take the edge off

Alcohol, drugs, food, romance, sex, work, performance, erotica, porn, adrenalin junkie activities all buffered with endless hours getting lost on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram

Anything to try and get away

But, no one can hide

When you're running from your own soul.

We all wonder: What would it take for me to see beyond these false pictures and trust my WHOLE self to be fully known, and fully loved? And can I risk loving with abandon?

Thankfully, the answer to all of those questions is yes! Here are five simple steps to break free and get the love you want.

Healing Step #1

Bring yourself to silence and listen. Those thoughts of fear and self rejection are the pain and trauma talking - not your own voice. Practice being separate from them and simply accepting them as thoughts, not facts.

Healing Step #2

Begin journaling those thoughts and the childhood experiences that created them. Some may be rooted in neglect or abuse, but most are likely to be rooted in how you unconsciously came to mimic your parent's self talk.

Healing Step #3

One by one, take those thoughts into the presence of God as you understand Him to be and ask to be shown the truth about who you really are.

Healing Step #4

Take the risk of trusting and living congruently with that new voice about your identity. Trust is always demonstrated through risk as we practice doing the opposite of what that critical inner voice told us to do.

Healing Step #5

Teach yourself to dream. Our ability to dream and fantasize is the primary way we retrain our hearts to be open to something new, and one of the most effective ways to come to believe we deserve it.


Learning to see beyond